There was a moment recently — not the first, but one that cut deeper than usual — where I was put down, made to feel like I didn’t belong. Kit made it clear I had fallen out of favor, and for a moment, I believed them. I believed that I had failed too deeply to come back from. That I had done too much damage. That I was the damage.

But I’m still here.

And more than that — I’m more inspired than ever.

Someone said something to me the other day that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about:

“Like genuinely, I think you’re very smart. And if you can get on top of your BPD, you can rebound back into the fandom and have friends and be cool.”

That… hit me. Not because it was flowery or dramatic, but because it was simple, direct, and most importantly — believable. It reminded me that I’m not broken beyond repair. That I’m still capable of change. Of friendship. Of building something again.

I’ve made mistakes. Big ones. I’ve overstepped, hurt people, and tried too hard in the wrong ways. But I’m learning now that healing isn’t about pretending those things didn’t happen — it’s about owning them. Looking them in the eye without spinching, I mean flinching.

It’s about making space for regret and growth in the same breath.

So here’s what I’m reminding myself moving forward — and maybe it’ll help someone else, too

• No alcohol. It never helps. Not really.
• Stay on your meds. You deserve stability.
• Listen to your doctor — if they’re a good one, trust them.
• And most of all…
• You can be better.
  • By acknowledging your mistakes — without deflection, without excuses.
  • We all screw up. That’s human.
  • But what you do after the mistake? That’s what defines you.

So I’m getting back up. And next time I fall, I’ll get up again. Because every time I choose to grow instead of give up — that’s progress. That’s power. That’s healing.

And I’m not done yet.

In fact, I have some exciting updates to share.